The Rather Grim History of Dr. Well’s Lunatic Asylum
for Charles Norvell Falkner on the eve of his 10th Halloween.
(An extremely important occasion.)
Welcome! Welcome to Dr. Well’s!The road in is, much like the road to Hell,
positively paved with good intentions!
I never fail to mention
Misery herself expects each arrival.
It has no peer! Not a single rival!
This is the worst place on earth!
The walls are obsidian,their effect… oblivion!
These moss covered stones
make most feel quite at home.
Hope you like your cell; when you open the dooryou’ll find nothing down the hall but more.
And ohhhh!!! There’s no telling where they go!
Each cell at Well’s is adorned with a sign
that reads, ‘I know you’re innocent and in your right mind.’
It’s not meant to be literal.
It's there to make you more dismal.
The floors drip with moss!Once you’re in, you’re lost!
Your only hope of getting out
is solving a puzzle I very much doubt
Faster!Come in! Come in!
I think you should
keep in mind this is for your own good.
Keep in mind!I do like a joke from time to time.
Voice introduces inmates, though you do not see them.
One is Susan. She believes she’s dead.
Two is Roger, quite right in the head but evading a number of unknown crimes. (Other than that he’s perfectly fine.)
Three is a Whirlygig, (he just wigs out). When he does, there’s no cause and his deafening shouts agitate Number Four, who can’t ever sit still.
Five’s ½ alive at the window sill. She often does tricks, (vastly annoying Number 6).
Six was once a bright girl but would not go to school. Other than that, she followed the rules as closely as anyone could. She was actually rather good, no doubt.
How 7 shouts! Endlessly preaching, he tries to baptize everyone in the halls when he’s not licking the walls.
8 was rather sane till drinking gobbled his brain consumed him as completely as he consumed scotch neatly.
9 too was fine until morphine took over. Soon her dreams drove her to continuous screams. It’s very disruptive. Then again, here much is.
10 Miss Sally, as is commonly known… was quite right in the head but was always alone. With only herself for company unhinged is all she’ll ever be.
11 thought he was in heaven when he dug his own grave. Unfortunately, after burial, he was saved.
12 won't speak; broken heart, they say. She grows thinner every day.